“Am I wrong for thinking that we could be something for real? Now, am I wrong for trying to reach the things that I can’t see?! But that’s just how I feel! For trying to reach the things that I can’t see. If you tell me I’m wrong, I don’t want to be right!”
– ’Am I Wrong’, Nico & Vinz
What is the value of a dollar? Seriously?! I question the very concept of money and what it’s “worth” every single day. Much more today, than I ever did in my entire life.
I think I learned and/ or taught myself the ethic of hard work long before I could ever digest the value of a dollar. And it wasn’t until I decided that I would always continue to work hard, but never again for a dollar, that my world and the world as I know it began to transform, to say the least.
It first started when I was illegally and unjustly fired from a job and by a company, that I had dedicated almost 10 years of my very young life to! That ‘s when I when I woke up and my consciousness was truly born to the reality of the dollar in our world.
That’s when I made up my mind that I would never put 1 year, let alone, 10 years of my life into any person’s, thing’s or illusion’s dream, vision or mission, ever again! That’s when I said hell no, I will not be used, abused and thrown away ever again!
But my comprehension of the value of a dollar didn’t truly began to grow until I started going broke in LA, while sleeping on a person’s couch, with no dollar in site and no explanation for when or even how, I could or would get one.
I mean, I always worked hard, literally busted my ass, since 13 years old, to make sure I never went without. So, when I finally took a stand and said I would work hard, harder than ever before, and go without, for something more than a dollar, the world began to change before my eyes.
First, the people around me changed. I wasn’t worth the same value, as I was before, when I decided I wasn’t going to be a slave to the dollar anymore. I mean, yea, people “respected” my dreams and ambitions but not my silly, and quite foolish decision to chase them, at all costs. Or for that matter, at no costs.
I had no money, so I was inherently, too poor to chase my dreams. I was too poor to start my own business. I was too poor to put that private university education to the true test. I was too poor to move across country without any real, defined and concise plan. I was too poor, to simply be.
The funniest thing, I think, was watching people get mad about it. People were really upset with me. As if they were the ones that would suddenly be forced to foot the bill to fund my life as a poor person (though, by definition, I was always poor and never actually got above the national poverty line on paper).
The even funnier thing to watch, seriously, was as I really began being more than poor, and started going hungry, living homeless and threatened with the reality of having no roof over my head, and not one damn person did a damn thing to hold me down. There was the beautiful soul that allowed me to stay on their couch, though often at a higher cost than a dollar could ever pay, but not one person actually stood up to foot my bill, or donate to it, for that matter.
And yet, they (they, being the people watching me starve and face homelessness) were even angrier with me, then. I mean, how are you mad at me for being without, while you have more than enough, as you sit there, mad at me for being without? Upset, that I chose to work harder, sacrifice more, and live stronger than a dollar could ever buy.
All the while, you’re in your comfortable illusion of a home, with your comfortable illusion of security, reading my website posts on a comfortable computer, with your comfortable internet. Like, wtf?! Where they do that at?! Welp! In America, that’s where! And, in the world as we know it!
Till this day, I know for a fact that people, even those folks they call “family” (which I prefer to call ‘shared bloodline relatives’), sit around and say, well “she shoulda never quit her job” (though, I was fired) and “no one told her to go to California” (though, I was sleeping in tubs and on the floor before leaving to California).
And, that’s what helps them sleep at night. Rationalizing that I chose to be hungry and chose to be homeless and chose to be without, on that day I decided I wouldn’t be a slave to the dollar anymore.
And, so, having made it this far, still alive and breathing, only and fully by the grace of my Father in heaven, I sit and wonder, what is the value of a dollar?
I don’t have an answer, not yet at least. But I keep hearing this ‘hood saying from an old hip hop song by Wu Tang Clan titled, C.R.E.A.M. It goes, “Cash rules everything around me, C.RE.A.M get the money, dollar dollar bill, y’all!”
I may not know a dollar’s value, but I do know this for sure now, cash truly does rule everything around me! For better or worse. though mostly, for worse.