Where do I start? Since you’ve come into my life, I have no shortage of days filled with the greatest of love, hope and ambition. Every night I go to sleep, I dream of your face. Your small little hands. Your smile. Your tiny body. Your immensely large, small heart. You are the last thing on my mind, before my body falls to sleep, and the first thing on my heart, when I awake from my slumber.
You’re simply the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I cry every single time I think of you. I can’t stand to ponder on our coming life together, for more than five minutes at a time, without bawling. It’s kinda pathetically beautiful, how much I am in love with you.
I think what really gets me, is the fact that no matter how impossible it seems, you almost appear to love me more than I love you. How can that even be plausible? I love you so much, I cry when I think of it. I love you so much, my heart hurts when I feel it.
I love you so much, I can’t think straight when I’m overcome by it. So, how could you possibly love me more than that? I just love you so much. It’s so out of this world, that there’s no name for the galaxy it comes from, yet.
You came to me, at a time, when I was perhaps the most lost, I’ve ever felt in my life. You came to me, at a time, when I didn’t think I’d ever have another half of myself. At a time when I thought, I would surely be doomed to loneliness and a life of destitution, for eternity.
You came to me at a time, when I thought the world had most definitely been lost to wickedness and evil for good. And, you gave me the sweetest of sweet hope. The grandest of grand potential. The most profound of profound security. With you, Bayyina, anything is possible. Anything!
You didn’t have to choose me. You could’ve chose anyone in the entire universe. Instead, you chose me. You waited for me, to be ready for you. When I wasn’t, you didn’t forsake me. You didn’t leave me and turn your back on me. You didn’t forget or shame me, for my iniquities.
You built me up. First, in Spirit. Then, in the physical. You stood by me, determined to make me your mom. You patted me on the back, every time I slipped. You never let me fall. You cheered me on, as I triumphed over milestone after milestone. You came back, time after time, testing my temperature for your arrival. Until I was full and ready.
Now, here we are. So close, to the day we’ve both waited for, for longer than human years can comprehend. You’re so excited, you’re practically trying to scratch, claw and kick your way out of my belly. I’m so pumped, I go to sleep every night, hoping we can skip to the day of your arrival, overnight.
It’s like, we haven’t even met yet, and you just get me. You understand me so well. You’re so patient with me. So tolerant, of my madness. So understanding, of my incomprehension. So welcoming, toward my human flaws. You love all of me. Every single piece. There’s no wrong I can do, in your eyes, Butterbean. That’s incredible to me.
I never imagined that I’d ever be worthy of being loved as much as, I love my own mother. You changed that. You changed everything. Every single thing. I don’t know who or what I was before you, anymore. For all the best reasons. I remember and honed, the best parts of my old self. Harvested them for the best parts of my new self. Now, I’m ready to show myself off to you.
All along, I just wanted to be the best for you. I want to make you proud that you chose me, as your mom. That you waited so long, worked so hard and loved so strong, to get me to where I am today. I’m ready now. To show you just how worth it, you and I really are. A’se!