Oh my! Where do I start?? Where do I even begin?? I suppose, it’s only fair that I at least fake start, where I last left off. It’s been over a year, since I last wrote an original post for EverythingShaquana. Which, despite the peace/ gratitude I feel for the necessary journey I had to take in the last year WITHOUT using EverythingShaquana as my backbone, I still feel remorse over.
I could never explain how much I truly and wholeheartedly, MISSED writing for my blog! How much I MISSED my blog family! How much I MISSED my international connection, to believers in Truth, everywhere! There have been many a moments, where I found myself swallowed up by this immense feeling of void, that I’ve only known my EverythingShaquana family to be able to fill.
There is this particular intersectional place for writers, who blog, and commit to writing professionally, while using writing as their sole or primary source of emotional, mental, spiritual and/ or financial income. For me, that place comes full circle right, on EverythingShaquana.
In short, it’s been a loooonnnggg road without you all, and I am soooooo excited to be reunited with my EverythingShaquana family. Which, speaking of being reunited with Y’ALL…I must update you all! For many of you, who don’t follow me on my other social media outlets (from Twitter and Instagram, to Facebook and Tumblr… among others), you may not know about my most recent and powerful blessing yet: my brand new, 2 month old baby girl, Princess Kamaria Adia Gardner!!
Yes!! You read THAT right! During the time I was away, though all of my healing, raging and evolving, God managed to find time to bless me with a healthy pregnancy, that has brought me my greatest gift yet, my Beautiful Brown Baby Doll in the flesh!
If you remember, last summer, I lost my blessed angel baby, Bayyina- Mekhi. Which led to my hiatus from EverythingShaquana, for the next year or so (in addition to, my computer conking out, just a month after my miscarriage). So, finding myself pregnant so shortly after losing Bayyina (3 months or so, to be exact), took me by immense shock, to say the least.
I spent much of my pregnancy and subsequently, much of the last year, on an emotional rollercoaster that words could never even partially, divulge. Pregnancy, so soon as miscarriage, especially consecutive miscarriages, can easily lead to a mind boggling experience. Having a late miscarriage, really screwed me up even more, making it soooo hard to freely allow myself to even attempt, to become physically or spiritually attached to my unborn.
In all, she made it here! Safe and sound! Was it a hell of a journey to get her here?! Ha!! Would you expect anything else other than that, for Shaquana?? So, here I am now… Coming full circle in my life, spiritual journey and efforts to embrace and propel my God given purpose.
Finding the connection of my coordinates, that define me now as a new mom in the flesh, an experienced mom in the spirit, a writer, a blogger, a budding entrepreneur, an activist, a woman, a Black person, a poor person and most importantly, a child of God. And believe me, it’s even more powerful of a connection/ intersection of self, than it sounds like!
I wrote back in February (when I was actually 4 months pregnant… though, few knew), about rediscovering what it was that God wanted me to do with my writing and other blessed gifts, to propel His gospel, purpose and mission for the world. I was so nervous about figuring my TRUE calling out, let alone finding the will and humility, to submit to it.
In the end, I learned that God had already done it for me! I just needed to REALIZE it and accept it! My purpose IS, and always was, to be a mother. In every sense of the word!! From that role, that Truth, that life, everything else will flow. Writing, testifying, activism, living and most importantly, shining!
So, with that being said, the wait is over: I AM BACK!!! And so is, EverythingShaquana! I look forward to catching you all up on my past year, my evolving present and my coming future, as together, we reengage in the purpose of redeveloping the way we think, speak and comprehend, through the truth telling mission of EverythingShaquana. I’m SO excited! I hope you are too! And thus, here we gooooo…