A month ago today, my younger ‘brother” attacked, punching me, dragging me on the floor, kicking me and worst of all, attempting to harm my child, while she was in my and mother’s arms. What started off as what I would call, a very civil conversation, led to me being called whores and bitches, escalating quickly to me being attacked and ended with an attempt of attack on my child.

As messed up as I am about it all, in such that I’m still working to get all that evil off of my spirit, I am unfortunately, unable to even begin to unpack it all via writing yet; because, as I’ve sadly had to acknowledge, I apparently still have even bigger demons to fry.

You see, this is the THIRD attack I’ve experienced by the hands of my younger “brother,” since August 2014. In two years, I’ve been attacked THREE TIMES by this ONE person. Not to mention, my cousin punching me, dragging me and breaking my toe, in March 2015. Let alone, my older “brother,” jumping me, with THREE other grown ass men, in December 2015.

And believe me, it’s far worse than it sounds! But again, I can’t even unpack the depths of hurt, pain, betrayal, confusion and every other emotion you can imagine a “battered woman” experiences, after coming to grips with this level of abuse.

Why, you might ask. Why can’t I unpack my stuff, and begin to move on? Simply put: because policing in poor neighborhoods. Because broken and buried “justice” systems. Because legal and local government grudges and sabotage. You see, I didn’t call the cops for the first two attacks by my younger “brother.”

When I called the police after my cousin attacked me, they came, asked little to no questions, and left without even writing a report, let alone allowing me to file an official complaint or press charges against him. They made it more than clear that they could care less about helping me. Whatsoever!

I can’t begin to process what that does to you, right now! What it feels like, to be attacked again, when you’re only seeking to find safety and gain justice, only this time by the supposed “powers that be.” This time around though, especially because of my daughter, I refused to let them choose whether they wanted to help me or not!

They have a fucking JOB to do! And if they don’t want to do it, then fucking quit! But I’ll be damned if the police, in particular, the NYPD, is going to continue to harass me and my peace (I’ll get into that doozy, another time), whilst refusing to do the one thing, MY tax dollars actually pay them to do: protect people! Including me!

So, I called the cops this time. Might I add, while he was still in midst of the attack. In fact, I was attacked because I was attempting to call the police, to prevent an attack! The irony, right?! In any regard, the NYPD took almost 30 minutes to come, after me calling them THREE times, begging them to hurry!

Come to find out, as we later discovered, that because of a shooting the night before, the police were in front of my building the entire time! Don’t worry though, it gets more fucked up than that! The police arrive, only to yell, harass and attempt to chastise me!

I hate to even remember, how truly pissed they were when I insisted that they write a report for me… you know, the person whom called! Or the even worse fact, that they barely asked me any questions for the report, and even went as far to put the wrong birthday for my “brother,” to make it harder to find him in the system, later.

My “brother’s” girlfriend wouldn’t leave my mother’s house, all the while cursing us out. But when the police arrived, after making it crystal clear that they were there to aid her in feeling better, (one officer even jumped in my face screaming that I had to calm down no matter what- or else- even though, she was still yelling and cursing at us, in my mother’s house), the officer told us she didn’t have to leave.

At one point, not only did the officer demand to see a lease (despite there being no contest over who’s house it was), but his partner blatantly said, “we’re not here to help them [my mother and I].”

I have so much more to digest, to testify, to release and let go of. I am in the process of filing a formal complaint against the responding officers. In addition, I am also in the process of filing a formal complaint against the 911 dispatcher who thought this entire incident was, funny! I am ultimately interested in attaining legal support, in fighting back the NYPD for continued harassment, intimidation and attacks, since 2013!

But for right now, I just need moral and emotional support, to help me continue through with seeking justice against my continued abuser, my younger “brother.” Because, as if having to battle the police isn’t bad enough, it seems I now have to battle the Manhattan District Attorney’s office.

Since my younger “brother” turned himself in, the DA’s office has done nothing to make me feel like they’re at all invested in prosecuting this case sufficiently, or seeking justice for me, let alone helping me to feel safe again!

Consider this: my younger “brother” has been arrested plenty of times, in his adult life; and not one of those times, has he ever been released on his own recognizance. Until NOW, of course! His requested bail was set at $5,000, despite this being his umpteenth domestic violence arrest, and his second official one against me.

Moreover, when I was illegally arrested in 2013, for the first time in my entire life, the same DA’s office requested for me to have a $2,000 bail! This slap in the face, is less like salt in my wounds, and more like being dumped in the salt water ocean, after being sliced with paper all over my body.

As if that’s not enough, they’ve barely contacted me, wrote out a bullshit deposition (without ever speaking to me, to gather my side of the story- hence, the deposition lacking significant factors regarding what happened to my child and I, a month ago), and worse of all, refused to give me any information about my brother or his whereabouts, until I had to make a stink of it.

But for me, perhaps worse of all, the evil, inhumane and sad example of a person, ADA who was against me, in my 2013 bogus arrest case, is now harassing me! Claiming that he’s in charge, of gathering the information for the deposition. You know, the same information he didn’t bother to get from me, in the first place.

When I emailed him, telling him to stop contacting me, as I am only comfortable working with the ADA who is actually assigned to this case, he replied (via email- I have records to prove it), dismissing all of my feelings/ concerns, and accusing me of being the cause of the horrible communication on the part of his office.

So, here I am, battered, bruised and rebounding from broken, with corrupt NYPD officers attempting to protect my abuser, and a DA’s office that has more of a grudge against me, than the person they’re actually supposed to be prosecuting!

More than anything, I fear that they will surely continue to try to sabotage this case, to further protect Kharlique, and show me just how little protection I have from the “powers that be.” And I have NO IDEA what to do?!

Do I start a petition, demanding an equal right to justice from the DA’s office? Do I file a formal complaint, to get it on record, how confident I am of their attempt to sabotage this case, on my brother’s behalf? Do I attempt to retain my own attorney, to get help with having someone who is actually willing to advocate for my child and I? What do I do?!

Because I’m so, so, soooo tired! I’m tired of being hurt and beaten on, just because I’m alive and breathing! I’m tired of the police doing any and everything to kill and destroy innocent Black people.

While working so closely and lovingly with criminals and wrongdoers, just for the sake of having informants on the street? They’re quicker to look for and arrest, a young Black man on his way to work, or attack a Latina mother attempting to protect her child, than get a perpetual woman abuser off the damn streets!

I’m tired! I’m tired of feeling like there’s no point in seeking justice from crooked cops and devilish ADA’s, because they’re not on our side! They don’t see our women and children as people, let alone, as worthy of protection and justice! I’m soo, sooo, sooooo tired!

So again, I ask, what do I do?!