Sadly but surely, it needs to be said and owned, that one does not sacrifice their ownership of their womanhood, upon their entry into the realm of motherhood. I say that, to say this: my new lifetime role as a mom in the physical, does not make me any less of a woman, and thus, a person!
There’s two sides to this; the person side, and the woman side.
As a person, I am still equally susceptible to the flaws and jeopardies of humanhood. I like to think of myself as superwoman. Most especially, while learning to rock this powerfully magical crown called, Motherhood. Nonetheless, I know the truth. And the truth is, I am not superwoman.
I am not perfect. I am not flawless. I am not invincible. At least, not physically. I am human. I am in the flesh. I am a person. At will of the same physical liberties, and liabilities of living/ being alive, that everyone else is.
My being a mother. Being the life source for another human being. Developing and fortifying nourishment for another human being. Shielding and sanctifying the existence of another human being. That… that doesn’t make me less of a human. Less deserving of, let alone needing of, compassion. Empathy. Patience. Forgiveness. Understanding. Humanness.
So, while I’m doing my best to work back into laying the foundation for a healthier lifestyle, I’m still very much, a work in progress. I still wait till the last minute to do everything important. I still project myself onto people, when I’m not ready to face my new realization of old flaws.
I still curse and patronize people who don’t think like me. I still drink cow’s milk, eat beef and poultry, and prefer canned beans over dry (even though, dry tastes way better) because they’re easier to prepare.
In other words, I’m still human. I still have goals and visions for myself, that embody my Higher and truer being. All the while, I’m still who I am in this moment. My having a child, as magically divine of an experience as it has been for me, has not suddenly eradicated the whims of my human experience.
“Coloring outside the lines of society’s “chosen” characters, I have painted a picture of my own unique snowflake, in a world of whitened out brightness.”
On the other end, I am still a woman. And with that, unapologetically a woman. As I’m just coming into my womanhood, and what that truly means to my me, I refuse to forfeit it in exchange for my motherhood. If for no other reason, than simply the fact that, I don’t have to!
I don’t have to stop embracing my new Love of me. My new intrigue with the mechanics of my mind. My growing appreciation of my ever-changing curves. My evolving comfort with my locs. My infatuation with my evolving beauty; within and without. I don’t have to trade that in, in order to be the mother who feeds life, raises intellect and cloths self empowerment on Kamaria.
My choice to wear my identity as a woman, and thus inherently, live in the true fullness of what it means to be my woman, lies outside the socially accepted norms of “womanhood.” Like every other part of my God- molded identity, my womanhood doesn’t fit into the boxed reality of what a woman is “supposed” to be or not to be.
Yet, I have still managed to find glory in my womanhood, against the blowback of every socially constructed institution I’ve encountered. I’ve reached my plateau of being, becoming fully grounded with the Queen implanted in me. Coloring outside the lines of society’s “chosen” characters, I have painted a picture of my own unique snowflake, in a world of whitened out brightness.
My discovery of my womanhood. Of my feminine majesty. My divine feminine. That discovery. That journey, has led me to my rediscovery of the Throne, I once called home.
“So, no, I’m not forfeiting all of that beautiful complexity, that I’ve gathered, molded and mused over my twenty-seven years of life, in order to be a “socially accepted” mother.”
So, not only am I unneeding, unwilling and undesiring of sacrificing my unapologetic womanhood; I am quite simply, unable! Because Kamaria. Because mothers and daughters. Because legacy. Because Queendom. Because 2016. Because Black girls and women. Because Black girl magic. Because I said so.
Because, I don’t always wear dresses and sit with my legs closed. And I can’t stand the color pink. And I often, drink straight from the carton. And I’m that obnoxious football/ basketball fan. And I wear sometimes, sneakers to parties. And I don’t always shorts under my skirts. And still, I cry every single time that I watch The Lion King, until this very day.
Because, I’ve never shaved before. And I have a peach fuzz, that I often leave untamed. And I even sometimes, have sex on the first date. And I openly think women are sexier than men; and even act that thought, too. And I can out drink most guys that I know (at least I could, pre- pregnancy). And still, I personally ascribe to the lifestyle of being a “lady” in the streets, and a freak in the sheets.
Because I think herb is the healing of the nation. And I can text the shit out of a spliff. And I can chug a beer in record time. And I am proud to tell people who, I easily out-belch my father and every man, I’ve ever dated. And still, I shake what my momma gave me, as well as bounce, twirk, wine, pop and everything else.
Because I live for mysogynoir/ homophobic slurred saturated music with awesome booty shaking/ bouncing/ wining/ twerking beats.,
Because I believe women have a right to say no; and cut you, if you don’t listen. Because I believe fuckboys exist, and should terminate their own existence. Because I have no problem telling creeps, douchebags and/ or pervs, that they are creeps, douchebags and/ or pervs. Because I. AM. UNAPOLOGETICALLY. WOMAN.
So, no, I’m not forfeiting all of that beautiful complexity, that I’ve gathered, molded and mused over my twenty-seven years of life, in order to be a “socially accepted” mother. I refuse! I will be a mother. And a person. And a woman. Unapologetically.
I will say, do and embody whoever I see myself as, in any given moment, without explanation or apology. And if you don’t like it, so be it!
I will live in the true honor of all of me, despite. My womanness. My humanness. And my mommy-ness. All at once! And I will wage war on any and everything, attempting to disavow me from doing so. That being said, here she goes!! And so it is.